omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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