"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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