Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
