If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
