Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
