I looked at my own cervix.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
