yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You took a bar mat shot.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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