he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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