My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
