I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
