After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
