I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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