had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize