whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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