put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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