I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
