hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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