Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
