i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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