My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
