You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
