I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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