Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
