i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
