Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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