The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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