don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
