I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
