You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
