glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
