so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
