dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
