You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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