The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
