how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
