Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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