16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize