I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
