I am puke
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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