Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize