Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
