If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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