Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
