So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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