I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
