i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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