what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
