at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize