it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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