just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
