Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
