he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize