I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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