Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had sex on a roof
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
