I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize