he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
