I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are two peas in an std pod
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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