For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
