Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
