It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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