I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
