I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
