1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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