This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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