If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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