dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
