My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
