Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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