Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
