apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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