There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
