We're like a lot better than the average bears
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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