Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
