Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize