In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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