I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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