His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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