i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
