Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
