how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
