I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
