there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
